Monday, August 31, 2015

10 Things I'd Like to See from a Kanye West Presidency

Last night at the VMAs Kanye West announced he's running for President in 2020. While the excited utterance was made while he was high on that good good, and basking in the limelight of his favorite person, himself, I got to thinking about what I'd like to see from a President West administration. So in no particular order...

Kim Kardashian finally gets a solo cover of Vogue

Kanye West swears his wife Kim Kardashian is a super model. He's said it in paper interviews, radio interviews, and on the premier episode of I Am Cait. Never mind that Kim Kardashian is more porn star than super star, and that's not shade just #factsonly. I no more about what her body parts look like than my own and I see myself in the mirror every day. Then there was that one time Kanye got mad that Michelle Obama stay on the cover of Vogue and he had the nerve to say no one is checking for FLOTUS. #LIES.

The first hip-hop cabinet will be formed

Kanye West would serve as both President and Vice President because you know he wouldn't stand to cede power to anyone not even for a day or a few hours in the event something happened to him. Jay-Z would serve as Secretary of State because he stay traveling. Dr. Dre would serve as Secretary of the Treasury. 50 Cent would pull double duty and serve as both Secretary of Defense and Secretary of Commerce. K.R.S. One would serve as Secretary of Education. Snoop Dogg would serve as Secretary of Agriculture and Lupe Fiasco would be the Attorney General.

Black history month expanded to four months in the year

Under the West Administration Black history month will be expanded to four months. One month in each quarter. Black history month will remain in February in the first quarter to keep with tradition, in the second quarter Black history will be celebrated in the month of June to coincide with Black Music Month. In the third quarter Black history will be celebrated in July so that Black folks get one of the long months to celebrate ish, and in the fourth quarter Black history will be celebrated in December covertly reminding folks in the holiday spirit that Jesus was born and raised a black man.

All the paintings in the White House of former Presidents and First Ladies will be removed

What would a Presidency be without a little White House redecorating. For the West administration this will be a major undertaking. All of the portraits of Presidents and First Ladies past with the exception of Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln and Barack and Michelle Obama will be removed. In their place will be portraits of Hip-Hop royalty most noticeably Beyonce and Jay-Z. Also pictured in the White House will be Grand Master Flash, Run DMC, Afrika Bambaataa, Missy Elliott, MC Lyte, Lil' Kim and Biggie and Tupac.

Recreational Marijuana Legalized

President Yeezy's first order of business to be passed in the first 100 days will be the legalization of recreational marijuana. If the bill is not made law he will issue an Executive Order making the herb from the Earth readily available for all to smoke and enjoy. The bill and or executive order signing will be marked not by signing eight signatures for the official record, but by lighting a blunt and passing it to eight people who would much rather prefer to get high then receive a Presidential pen.

Jesus Walks named the National Anthem 

In that same first 100 days President West will retire "The Star Spangled Banner" as the National Anthem and instead insist that all school children learn the words to "Jesus Walks." It will be the new National Anthem on the grounds that it's message is inspiring on how to be more Christ like while still getting money, cars, and clothes.

The Presidential Motorcade will use bullet proof Hummer's

In the interest of staying fresh the Presidential Motorcade will get a makeover. Instead of the current fleet of tricked out Bentley's President West will ride in a fleet of bullet proof Hummer's with POTUS YEEZY on the license plate.

President West will give his own daily press briefings

President West will also give his own daily White House Briefings. This will serve the purpose of hearing himself speak as the President of the United States, and to make sure the truth is told and that the paparazzi doesn't mess up what he's trying to say.

The White House Press Corps and photographer will be fired

Because President West will do his own daily briefings there will be no need for the White House press corps or the official White House photographer. No questions, no pictures. Sorry Pete Souza. No side shots of smiles for you.

The release date for every one of Yeezy's albums past, present, and future will be declared a national holiday

The release dates for every album from The College Drop Out to Yeezus will be declared national holidays so that the country can reflect back on the young genius of their President and celebrate the timelessness of his music.


What would you like to see from a Yeezy Presidency? 

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