This picture to the left says it all.
We are women.
We want some stuff; although we’re not really sure all
the time of what that is collectively…
WHATEVER it is,
we want it… NOW!!!
OK… I know. Some women won’t like what I just stated, and
that being the case you won’t really like what I’m about to say either. And
that’s fine; I’m not here for your approval. I just wanted to put that at the
forefront of this post because, as a newly minted semi-feminist, this
summed up my exact thoughts…
Now, you’re probably asking yourself, “What’s a
semi-feminist? Sounds like some kind of weird, hippie sex move…” Well, that
could totally be true, but that’s not the context I’m using it in at the moment. No; I’m referring to being a woman who, in reaching my 30′s, has come
into her own and realized that the treatment of women in America and all over the
world is sickening. Just this past election cycle here in the great ol’
U. S. of A., we ladies had to deal with so many odd, awkward and downright
ludicrous attacks from so many angles, it was blinding… Binders FULL of women, anyone? And who could forget this little nugget of crazy… “LEGITIMATE RAPE”?
Oh… GOP… you’re so psychotic. The Lilly Ledbetter Act was paraded in front of us like a show horse,
trotting and bucking and full of gusto… Oh what an incredible,
insane circus it was!
And the more I heard about how our issues were being
placed in the hands of old, careless, crotchety men in power, the more I felt
the need to speak out. I’m still finding that voice, as it were. On my own
blog, Diva’s
World, I explore my thoughts and lately I’ve noticed a lot more “Girl Power” in my posts, even if they do
contain my harsh brand of ranting motivation. I feel like in my 20′s, I didn’t
really understand the movement or the moment, but I’m finally stepping
into the shoes. They feel big and overwhelming, but I’ll take the walk…
That is precisely why I try to seek out sites where the
writers and regular commentators tend to give valid and reasonable arguments,
hopefully supported by facts, but at LEAST supported by sensibility. I got my
wish while having a spirited debate with Shady
Grady, a writer for The Urban
Politico. In a post about how a 56 year old great-grandmother fended off an
attacker by using a gun, Grady noted that “…feminism and fatherlessness killed
chivalry…” and I felt a tug at my soul when I read that particular line. Even
though the post wasn’t really about the male/female dynamic, it made its way
into the fabric of the conversation. I understood his point-of-view in the broader sense;
being able to protect yourself with a gun (especially as a woman, which is why
I think he added the part about feminism) is a very hot button topic these
days. But it was that whole point of feminism killing chivalry I took issue
with. So yes, in typical Diva Bleu fashion I popped into the comments and
stated agreement for the entirety of the post, save for the offending line.
Grady was on it! Peep the conversation as it unfolded in
the pic below…
Mind you, this isn’t even the entire back and forth, but
you get the idea. I read the links he posted and lo and behold, the general
consensus is that men’s practicing of the ancient art of treating women like
ladies has been killing our ability to advance. I am oversimplifying it, but
this sounds kind of ridiculous to me. I mean… yes, on the one hand I totally
understand how the basic premise of chivalry weakens us. The main pillar of
chivalry is that women are the inferior sex and therefore must be treated as
such. It is at its core, demeaning.
However, there’s a part of me that honestly has to say
that not EVERY woman IS as strong as any man, physically,
emotionally and mentally. Even still, some of us are content to be housewives
and happy homemakers who are loved, coddled, pampered and adored by our
husbands and some of us long for the business world where we can be the boss
and bring home all the bacon… that doesn’t make either extreme wrong or right
in the bigger picture. To me, the ability to make the CHOICE is most important.
I fall somewhere between the two paradigms; I dream of
media mogul status, being the next household name like Oprah or Barbara Walters, but I also long for the family life with the doting husband, 2 kids, the dog and the picket fence. What a strange dichotomy, I suppose.
I want to say it’s possible and totally believe it, even as the crusty, old, homogeneous men try to give us the spiel on what they think is appropriate for us to do with our reproductive organs. It has been and continues to be obvious and acutely apparent that the powerful men in society STILL have an outdated and caricatured view of who women are and what we contribute to the world. Whether we are on a battlefield serving our country, teaching our country’s youth, or caring for our sick (I mention these duties because in some way or another we are disproportionately represented in each, but that’s another post), we always seem to be placed in a box.
Maybe it’s because I always wanted to be both the princess AND the queen; cooed over, adored and primped, yet ruling the castle with grace and enviable regality. Go figure. But I think this is a part of both the evolution of feminism and the idea it rails against; can we be both fierce fighters for female justice AND soft, genteel ladies?
However, to our own end, I feel like we have eschewed the
delicacies of reverence and admiration that came with chivalry, and now we feel
the sting. Chivalry was a man’s way of showing us respect and even if
misguided, it was sweet. The challenge in understanding the sexes has always
created a rift; it comes with miscommunication. But now, in our efforts to be
more respected in society, misogyny has replaced what social courtesy once took for granted.
“Aye ma, come holla at me!” “Yo, you got a
fat ass!” “Shake it like a salt shaker!”
Is this a painful part of what the price becomes? I know
that not every woman may feel as though my stance is right, and again that’s
fantastically fine. I am not here for tidy agreement; I’m here for rational,
open and productive discourse on the matter.
So yes, maybe Grady is right. Maybe the Feminist movement
killed chivalry… but can we agree that even though the cause is just and needs
to be fought, certain things can’t be decided by the movement as a whole? I
don’t want ALL of the women deciding
if a gentleman walks on the street side of the sidewalk or opens my door. That’s MY
decision, and I think the cause needs to be more focused on that aspect;
helping all women gain the RIGHT to
make THEIR own decisions. But I am merely a newly minted semi-feminist with
chivalrous leanings… let’s have a discussion.