Thursday, May 31, 2012

HBO Game of Thrones Season 2 Finale: Predictions

Season Two Finale: What are your predictions?
Well, to quote the Grateful Dead, what a long strange trip it's been in this season's HBO adaptation of George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire. It ends Sunday night in a special 70 minute finale. If you've watched the series, and if you're reading this then you probably have, you know that the good guys don't always win, the bad guys don't always lose and sometimes you can't even tell who the good or bad guys are anyway. The hero stands up to do the right thing and gets his head chopped off. The fat jolly king was a drunken wife abuser. The beautiful queen is a manipulative (insert bad word here) while the demon monkey dwarf might be a basically nice guy who patronizes prostitutes. The best warrior in the country is boffing his sister and the rightful heir to the throne is such a bore that everyone ignores his claim. Or maybe it's that he has halitosis. Anyway a lot happened this season and there are a few cliffhangers that need to be resolved as well as a lot of challenges for old characters and new. If there's one thing we learned it's to expect the unexpected when you least expect it.
This season's summary:

  • Jon Snow could not kill the Wildling woman Ygritte, who led him into a trap. Jon Snow and Qhorin Halfhand are the last members of the ranger party. And the Wilding leader doesn't think he needs two more mouths to feed.
  • Thanks to the services of a man with profoundly odd diction, Arya Stark escaped from Harrenhal with her friends Gendry (illegitimate son of the previous King) and Hot Pie. Presumably she's going to find her big brother Robb.
  • Sansa Stark declined to leave with The Hound. She's still in King's Landing. 
  • Stannis Barratheon is licking his wounds somewhere. Davos and his son might not have made it out of Blackwater.
  • Robb Stark and Catelyn Stark had a spat when Catelyn released Jaime Lannister. Westeros' sole female knight, Brienne, is taking Jaime to King's Landing to trade for the Stark girls.
  • Robb Stark decided to do the do with the sexy foreign girl Talisa.
  • Tywin Lannister and Loras Tyrell have joined forces.
  • Littlefinger and Varys are just so smug.
  • Tyrion was badly wounded and might be dead after a sneak attack from a Kingsguard.
  • Theon Greyjoy holds Winterfell after his treacherous attack. He doesn't know that the younger Stark boys, Bran and Rickon are hiding in the crypts.
  • Daenerys is trying to get her dragons back, leave Qarth and ignore the increasingly amorous glances she's getting from Jorah.
  • And Joffrey Barratheon Lannister still sits on the Iron Throne.
The Urban Politico thought it would be fun to try to figure out how or if some of the story lines are going to be closed out this weekend.* Our unspoiled predictions follow below.
The Janitor
1. We will discover that Tyrion is not dead b/c he is too awesome.
2. Arya will STILL not make it home yet (I was gonna say she would make it by the end of the show but I just looked at the map and the distance from Harrenhal to Winterfell is SERIOUS!).
3. Sansa will continue to be miserable in King's Landing.
4. Theon Greyjoy will get served!
5. Daenerys will get her dragons back and get the hell out of Qarth.
6. Jon Snow will continue to be cold.
7. Tywin will take over as The Hand.
8. Stannis will plot his revenge (after he kills a few cowards for running)
9. Jaime Lannister will make it back to King's landing b/c he's an a$$h*#e; amazon chick will probably get killed in the process.
10. Joffrey will continue to be the ultimate p***k.

Tyrion Lannister: Is alive and will confront his father and sister about the attempt on his life. I have a feeling that as great a job as he’s done that his father will be displeased with his job as the King’s Hand. Ultimately however, Tyrion will be a force to be reckoned with.
Cersei Lannister: Will continue being a b***h.
Joffrey Barratheon: Will continue being a b***h and won’t die anytime soon.
Jon Snow: Hmmm hard to say where this storyline is going but I think Jon Snow will develop a relationship with the Wildlings and possibly join their cause-maybe not in the next episode but possibly next season. As far as the season finale he will remain alive and maybe find a way to escape.
Stannis Barratheon: I don’t think Stannis will die. I think the “Lord of Light” will grab his back real quick!
Robb Stark: Will go after Theon and keep sleeping with his new love.
Arya Stark: I think we may see her make it home on Sunday.

Sansa Stark: This is a hard one. I don’t know where her storyline is going but don’t think she’ll be going home anytime soon.
Daenerys Targaryen: Don’t think she’ll get her dragons back Sunday. She’ll try though.
Jaime Lannister: He’ll make it back to King’s Landing. Don’t think he’ll be recaptured.
Tywin Lannister: Will find a reason to chastise Tyrion’s work. He will attempt to bring the family together.
Theon Greyjoy: He will stay in Winterfell and fall into Robb Stark's hands. If he happens to leave as instructed by his sister I think Robb will still get him. Either way I don’t think Theon has long to live.

1. Tyrion is dead.
2. Arya will get caught and brought back to Kings Landing.
3. Sansa is going to spend a dreadful evening with Joffrey against her will and will end up pregnant.
4. Theon Greyjoy will die and his head will be brought back to Robb Stark
5. Robb Stark will break the pact and not marry the woman he is already committed to. 
6. Daenerys will not get her dragons back and will end up marrying that freak rich guy and he will convince her to ax her advisor.
7. Jon Snow will die.
8. Tywin will lay the smack down on his kids and put Joffrey in his place.
9. Stannis will die.
10. Jaime and Brienne will not make it back to Kings Landing. Robb Stark's people will find them.
11. Joffrey will stick around and kill someone for no reason (treason)

I want Joffrey to remain king and have to deal with the stress of knowing EVERYONE dislikes him.  I don't know about Tyrion... something tells me he will survive and be around for a while.  He is extremely clever.  I see him playing a bigger role in the future... maybe even helping Robb Stark or doing something to bring Joffrey down.  He is the smartest person (at least shown to be) in all of Westeros. 
I'd like to see Arya grown up, become a lesbian and go on a Colombiana type killing spree on all those who hurt her family. 
Oh... and yes, KILL THEON GREYJOY TWO TIMES!!!  And make his sister a slave!!!

The Storyteller
I, The Storyteller, a late comer to the awesomeness that is Game of Thrones, need to see a few things or three before this series ends. First and foremost Daenerys Targaryen needs to get her dragons back ASAP. I need her to take her blood of the dragon self into the house of the undying, grab her scaly dragon babies, and while she's there learn how to project herself and her dragons so they all multiply. It will be a great war tactic come season 3. Now after Khaleesi gets her dragons back I need one of them babies to burn the hell out of the rich Black man that set her up and tried to get her to marry him. Can we say entrapment. His head needs to be on a spike. 

The Starks, every last one of them, need to get back together and be a family again. But before they do that they need to get Jamie Lannister back. Like really, Catelyn, you let the Kingslayer go. Umm.. he tried to kill your son and your husband. And his bratty a$$ nephew did kill your husband and you let this man go. Umm... Robb should have you imprisoned but a son would never do that to his mother. Anyhow, once they get Jamie back, Robb needs to get to the business of finding Arya. No one knows where the child is, they haven't heard anything about her and they don't seem concerned. I'm sure Arya will soon find her way to her brother being the resourceful child that she is, but her family could act concerned. Once Arya and Robb get together they need to relieve Jon Snow of his duties at the wall, save him from the demon people that are trying to hold him hostage and then ride to Winterfell for a little visit with that traitor Theon Greyjoy. All their wolves need to eat Theon alive in front of his people. He needs to pay the iron winter price for his take over. Now I know I've left out Sansa, the little dove. She should have gone home with The Hound. But she didn't. She's sharpening her conniving skills at Cersei's knee. I just hope she doesn't get killed because then we'll have another season of war. 
Joffrey needs to die. I'd rather see Cersei Queen alone or see Tyrion as King. As for Tyrion, I know my little dude didn't die. He just got cut and that scared the s**t out of him. He loves the game. He doesn't love death. If I've left out any other storyline I'm sure they'll be handled accordingly for the night is dark and full of terrors

What's your take? What do you think is going to happen? Were you surprised by anything this season?

*This post is written for unspoiled prediction of the season finale. If you have book based knowledge of future events please be kind enough not to discuss that here. Most of my blog partners have not read the books and would take spoilers most unkindly. Heads, spikes, well you get the idea. If you KNOW what's going to happen please don't reveal it!!! There will be the normal post-episode recap on Monday and possibly one final analysis/discussion later. NO SPOILERS!!!!.
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