Monday, August 8, 2011

FED UP: Five Things of Little Importance that Really Bother Me (Part 1)

I know there are a lot of things going on here in the US and throughout the world: There are international economic woes that both parties are trying to make appear as if they only exist in the US and they are the other party's fault; there are droughts in Texas and floods in North Dakota; and Harry Potter stomped Twilight at the Teen Choice Awards (oh the horror)!!!

So I felt like writing about something else. I’m going to vent. Now, I’m not special – clearly. I fully understand everyone has their own pet peeves, but I’ve got a blog, therefore a platform, so…like I said, I’m going to vent.

So read on if you’d like, if not, move to the next post – which probably contains a very well thought-out and poignant message. While there are many things that irritate me – like wet socks, there are some that stand out more than others do. So, without any further ado, I bring you the my top five (little issues) that actually bother me quite a bit – Part one.

Elevator Protocol :

courtesy of
1.) This one is real simple to me. Unless you have a cart full of items or bags in your hands, you’re elderly, or you have a physical impediment, stop taking the elevator up ONE damn flight! Take the damn stairs! I am FLOORED by folks that wait 5 – 10 minutes for an elevator; “Hello McFly” it would have taken you 2 minutes to walk your ass up the stairs! Not only that, there are folks that REALLY need the use of the elevator, in addition to those mentioned above, folks that work on the high number floors shouldn’t have to wait for you just to get to their desk at work. I work on the 10th floor, and nothing ruins my morning more than someone getting on the elevator with me on the first floor and taking it to the second floor. WHY? And don’t let it be an epidemic that day. Seriously! Someone gets off on the second floor, then we pick up someone on the third floor who gets off on the fifth floor. By the time I make it to my floor, I’ve literally hit every floor between one and ten; and it was a 20 minute elevator ride. Insane!!! Oh, then there are those folks who stand in front of the elevator and try to get on before the people who are on it are able to get off. I’m sorry your Highness, but just because you hit the call button doesn’t mean the elevator was coming specifically for you. Some folks may have actually taken the elevator and may require the need to get off; please move your ass back! And while I’m on the subject of human transport machines , If you decide to stand on an escalator, that’s fine, not a problem, please step to one side or the other and let those of us pass; it’s just a courtesy.

Sidewalk and Pedestrian Protocol:

2.) This is real short and sweet. Please do not stop right in the middle of a busy walk way to tend to your business. I understand you have your hands full and you need to fix your backpack, or you MUST talk to your friend RIGHT now about how wasted you got last night; but you’ve literally created a backlog of folks in the middle of the side walk. Please step to the side. Also, if you are walking down a narrow sidewalk side by side, if folks are walking your way, move to a single file line. There is no need for either of our shoulders to become dislocated. Oh, BTW, for those of you that ride bicycles, remember, you really not a car! It will cause damage if you ride out into the middle of the street if you’re not careful. You might want to give serious consideration to following the traffic laws. And brothas…yes brothas… so you know exactly who I’m talking about… I understand that we are some of the coolest folks on the planet. Our swagger is unparalleled and only matched (if not exceeded) by that of a swaggerfide sista, but please, move your slow, jay-walking, George Jefferson leaning ass out of the cross walk once the light has changed. Seriously, why the hell are you looking at me like I’m in the wrong… MOVE! I don’t even know why you stepped off the curb when the number was on zero in the first place. The red hand or icon means stay your ass still so you don’t get hit by a car. You must not think this car hurts…


3.) I can appreciate a person’s desire to smoke. Seriously, I can. I’m libertarian when it comes to people doing whatever they want with their own bodies. If smoking is your joy… your passion, go for it. However, if you are under the age of 35 (and that is me being generous with the age) and you smoke – you’re a DUMBASS! I’m sorry if that offends some folks; I’m sure it will. But seriously, how…why…WTF??? Seriously!!! If you are 35 or younger, you didn’t grow up in the age of doctors doing cigarette commercials. NO – if you are 35 or younger, you grew up in the age where Hollywood movies were asked to stop showing cigarettes ads and showing smokers in such "positive light." You came of age during the HUGE cigarette scandals showing how cigarette manufacturers deliberately tricked folks into smoking. We started seeing that scary picture of the woman with wrinkled skin (picture to the right) and passing the pretty pink lung and the dirty and the filthy black lung around in the Third Grade science/health class. Remember the picture of the man with the missing teeth - and his friends? We KNOW damn near every cancer can be linked back to smoking. We’ve had Surgeon General warnings (see the new labels), Truth commercials, and the demise of Joe Camel and flavored cigarettes… what on Earth tempted you to start smoking? But hey, it is your right.  Who knows, maybe I should be against health care if I have to pay for your ass.  But, it's your choice.  If you make that choice, more power to you.  One request, since most buildings are now smoke free (at least out East); if you go outside to smoke, please remove your ass from in front of the damn door. I don’t want to walk through a cloud of cancer just to get inside my office building. (BTW – this same complaint also works for folks who don’t wash their hands after they use the restroom. Let me get this right, we’ve had Bird Flu, Swine Flu, SARS, and the Heebee Geebees, and you STILL don’t wash your hands??? You nasty muther…what?)


4.) Aside from the Super Bowl, I am damn near offended every time “my” program is interrupted with a commercial about something I care nothing about. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that this is how networks pay their bills; it is a necessary evil. But there is a reason why I stick to watching shows on the premium networks – shout out to Game of Thrones and True Blood; oh, if you aren’t up on the Boardwalk Empire, do yourself a favor – get up on that Boardwalk Empire. I feel like it is a violation of my time, my space, and my personal entertainment. I’m the type of person that if I want something, I pretty much know it, and I will go get it. I don’t need a commercial force feeding me their product; Yes KAY, I understand that every kiss literally starts with the letter ‘K,’ clever, but enough! Usually I have two shows going at one time, so when one is on commercial, I can watch the other. Apparently, there is a new conspiracy going on: television shows are starting to go to commercial at the same time! Damn it! Thank God for the advent of DVR. Now, I record EVERYTHING. If a show starts at 8:00pm, I record it, and start watching it at 8:30. That way I can fast forward through all the commercials (Now, if I can figure out how to stop fast forwarding without having the rewind because I passed up the point where the show comes back on…). And this isn’t limited to just television; radio is THE WORST! Nothing pisses me off more than during my 15 minute drive to work, I have 10 damn minutes of commercial breaks!!! I’m thinking the same conspiracy going on in television is also happening on radio because no matter what channel I’m on or switch to, it is ALWAYS on a commercial. I’m convinced that they spend more time hocking ads than they spend on the actual show – ahh, satellite radio!  BUT... it doesn't end there.  Now it has taken over the Internet.  You can't watch a simple clip of a cat playing a piano anymore; first you have to watch a 30 second Kia ad - that you can't fast foward through!  Even YouTube is starting to get on my nerves; can I please see a clip - a short, one minute clip - without you trying to sell me something?  PLEASE!!!


5.) You know what… this list is literally too long to put here, I think it needs its own post. From slow cell phone drivers, loud music at stop lights, driving slow in the fast lane (this includes riding just on the side of you where you can’t move over to pass the car in front of you), and my personal ‘favorite,’ folks that drive past you as you wait in a long ass traffic line, then try to pull in front of you at the last minute! OH HELL NO!!! – But that is for another post!

Am I alone on these issues? Do any of them bother you?

So what annoys you?
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