Monday, May 23, 2011

Stop Asking Why Black Women Are Single

It is only right that my first post as an official member of The Urban Politico start where I left off in the comments on the post Is the Black Church Keeping Black Women Single? It was brought to my attention that maybe I went a little too hard in trying to defend black women who’ve been subjected to attacks on their womanhood, singlehood, baby mama-ness, ratio of beauty, and body image over the last few years. But let me explain why.

Thursday night I googled the words “black women” and the first post was the B.S. study from Satoshi Kanazawa on Why Black Women are the Least Attractive out of all other women in the world. The third post on the page was The Nightline special from nearly three years ago asking “Why Are 42% of Black Successful Women Single?” That was Thursday. I checked it again on Saturday and the Nightline post still held the number three spot although the entry on Black women being less attractive moved down to the fifth entry position. Today is Monday and the Nightline special remains in the number three spot -- mind you the special ran in December 2009 -- behind Black Female Interracial Marriage Ezine, and the Black Voices website. Immediately after the Nightline entry is an entry about Black Strippers in Las Vegas. Big Booty, Dime Pieces, Urban Women, and rounding out the top five is a link to a youtube video titled Beautiful Fit Black Women.

Seeing these results maybe now you can understand why I was in attack mode towards Godson. It wasn’t that the issue he raised about the Black church or even non church going Black men contributing to the single condition of Black women weren’t legitimate; it’s just that since 2009 this conversation about “Why Are Black Women Single” has been raging on with no end in sight. Seeing another post asking that exact same question set my black and female soul aflame.

Just looking at the google results is enough to make me mad. Apparently if we’re not single we’re exploring the options of interracial marriage or we’re reduced to the size of our assets and how well we can twerk that thang on a pole. Conversely when you google the words “white women” the first two results on google are clips from the movie Blazing Saddles. In the number three position is A White Woman Explains Why She Prefers Black Men, at number four is Interracial Dating Between White Women and Black Men, and rounding out the top five is Missing White Woman Syndrome from Wikipedia which discusses the phenomenon that is the disproportionate amount of media coverage when “pretty” white women go missing as compared to when black women go missing. Think Natalee Holloway vs. Phylicia Barnes.

So you see I had good reasons to go in. I was protecting my sistren from yet another unnecessary attack on our black womanness. But apparently I was a little too hard on the brother asking a legitimate question and seeking legitimate answers.

The problem is, if in nearly three years Nightline, Dateline, 20/20, and Soledad O’Brien haven’t figured out why successful Black women are single (sidenote this makes me assume that hoodrats everywhere are booed up) and successful Black women haven’t found out why they’re single then I’m going to go out on a limb and say, “Nobody knows.” We can point to Lyfe Jennings and his talk of statistics, we can blame the prison industrial complex and unfair drug laws that crack down on crack dealers and addicts with a swifter whip than dealers and addicts of powder cocaine, we can even point to the foolishness of the aforementioned Satoshi Kanazawa and blame Black women’s hideousness as the reason why so many of us are single. Hell we can do like many Black people and blame slavery for instilling in Black people for 400 years that the mother is the rock and the father is the buck born to breed and be a rolling stone. Yet after pointing out all the possible options for the problem there is still no solution.

Is it possible Black women get in the way of their own happiness? Um...yeah. Duh. But who doesn’t do that? Is it possible that Black women are looking in all the wrong places; i.e. church, the club, the after hours fried chicken spot? Yeah possibly but that doesn’t mean we’re going to stop going to those places it just means we may need to add locales like the gym, and the hot sports bar when The Heat are playing The Bulls.

Truth of the matter is there are a whole host of reasons why Black women are single and the blame can be pointed at Black women for being too mouthy, too bitchy, and just too much as much as the blame can be pointed outside of us. We could be the ride or die chick men say they want, the good cook, the lady in the street/freak in the bed and we may still be single. No one knows... which is why I’m assuming the dilemma is just such a hot topic.

The one thing that I know for sure is not the reason is that we’re objectively the least attractive women on the planet. That’s just plain foolishness (of which you readers of The Urban Politico will come to know I have an extreme aversion to)

But in all seriousness, it is not so much that the question of “Why Are Black Women Single?” can’t be raised, it just seems that at a time when so many other blogs, “scientists,” people with pen, paper, and a platform/soapbox are able to go in on Black Women for no other reason than they feel like it, I would like to think that Black men and women would be able to band together and acknowledge that “Yes we have familial problems” without condemning or blaming each other for them.
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