Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Guest Post: Educated Black Men - Gift or Curse to Black Women?

On a non-political note, we have our first Dear Abby letter coming in from a young lady who is rather frustrated with dating brothers who have advancedl degrees from well-to-do schools. In particular, our guest today seems to have experienced a run of bad luck with black male lawyers. Her story below:


Dear Urban Politico,

So lately I’ve been hanging out with an attorney who is the head of a prominent legal organization - initially to get him to be my mentor or to pick his brain about legal issues. So after a few business dinners, guy comes out and says he has no interest in being my mentor but being my boyfriend. I didn’t mean to but I literally laughed out loud and just said “I really don’t want a boyfriend right now”. So he laughs and goes in for a kiss and says “it’s so cute that you’re acting so noncommittal”. My response (after I do my basketball-inspired-spinoff move to block the kiss): “Who’s ‘acting’? I’m for real. I know that may sound unusual that a woman doesn’t want a boyfriend but I really & truly don’t. You should know I’m dating other people- a lot. And I enjoy our conversations so we could hang out but that’s about it. We can hang out to see what’s what at a later date. In contemplation of it possibly being more.”

So we do. He sends for me to come to visit him in LA, pays for everything of course (gentlemanly thing to do plus I’m broke and he knows it), he makes a trip to San Fran to come see me, gives me some really good advice regarding my career. Good stuff. Although he kept getting upset that it seemed that I wasn’t “emotionally involved” with him yet.

Herein lies the issue: I came across an article congratulating him on being elevated to his current office that says “he lives with his WIFE and 2 kids at home and 1 in college”. Umm, wait a minute - his office is only for 1 year so the article must be fairly recent and when we were out at dinner the first time, he referred to his “Ex-wife” and “2” kids. I don’t care if a brother has kids but dammit, what’s up with the lying?! He has 3 kids and technically that’s still his wife even though he claims that they’re splitting up!

So when he last came to San Fran just to see me I referred to the article. There he was trying to put the moves on me after we went to some fancy steak house and I’m trying to get the details on this situation. Sounds to me like he isn’t being totally truthful and he kept trying to cut me off - which is my biggest pet peeve since I don’t really talk a whole lot. I said until there’s a divorce decree in my hand or I see the first page of the complaint (he said he filed already), ain't nothing going down. No more hanging out lest some woman come up out the bushes trying to cut me. I know folks date when they’re separated but I’m not interested in being "the other woman" and I don’t appreciate the lying. [He also lied about his age - and I’m quite the “age-ist”. I generally only date brothers that are about 2-3 years older than me. He’s about 25 years older.] So I left the horny bastard in the hotel room!

So here’s my beef. I like dating black men of course and would never give that up. That’s all I keep running into but it’s been my experience that black male attorneys expect a lot without giving a whole bunch in return. They have an air about them that says “you should feel lucky by dating me since I’m so successful”. Now as you may have gathered, I’m afrocentric so honestly in a sistah-to-brotha-black power sort of way, I’m proud of their accomplishments. Does the soul good to see a brother doing well. But dating-wise I’ve never been impressed by that sort of stuff. All I care about is the way they treat me. It’s getting to the point where if I see an attractive guy and he says he’s an attorney, I run the other way! I just expect the dude to make plans last minute, want to stay in the house, generally want things his way, “lawyer” me. LOL, What’s up with ya’ll?

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