Saturday, August 12, 2017

Trans Community, Consent and Scapegoating

Recently a comedian named Lil Duval appeared on a radio show and made a clearly hyberbolic/comedic threat of violence against any transperson who tricked him into sex/intimacy. There was an immediate backlash from some members of the trans community as well as from some liberal people who often appear to have a stick up their behind concerning heterosexuality, which they never tire of labeling as hegemonic or toxic or problematic or any of the other popular academic circle insults. I wouldn't really care at all about what amounts to a catfight but for the fact that both NBC news and the New York Times seized this opportunity to insult the black community, or to be precise, black heterosexual men, as violence prone, hypermasculine, and backwards when it comes to trans issues.

NBC, the New York Times and a fair number of people yelling at Lil Duval used black brute stereotypes straight from Birth of A Nation. They just repurposed them for a liberal agenda.
But when DJ Envy asked Lil Duval what he would do if a woman he had sex with later said she was transgender, he responded, “This might sound messed up and I don’t care: She dying.” The hosts quickly told him that killing a transgender person was a hate crime and that he could not do that. But Lil Duval continued to make jokes and said it was about manipulation and taking away his choice. Charlamagne Tha God, the show’s most popular host, agreed with that point, saying that by not disclosing she is transgender, a woman is “taking away a person’s power of choice,” and he added that “you should go to jail or something.” In a statement to The New York Times released through his publicist on Saturday, Charlamagne Tha God denounced all prejudice and hate crimes, emphasizing that he wholeheartedly believed that violence against transgender people was wrong. 
“Nobody should be killed just for existing,” he said. What needed to be discussed further, he added, was whether transgender people should disclose their gender identities to sexual partners. “To me, anytime you take away someone’s power of choice, it’s criminal,” he said. “Let me decide for myself if this is what I want. But if a trans person doesn’t disclose until after sexual acts have occurred, they shouldn’t be killed for it.”

I don't give a flying fig what people do in private. Not my business. If you want to cut off your male organs, get surgery, and ingest/inject chemicals to attempt to give yourself a feminine appearance, that's you. If you change your name from a masculine one to a feminine one and demand to be addressed by the feminine name, I will call you by your new name. If you want to walk or talk like your silly exagerrated stereotype of what a woman walks or talks like, fine. Yawn.


But if you demand that I accept you as a woman and react or respond to you exactly as I would react or respond to a woman I'm going to tell you to get the bleep away from me with that nonsense.

Do you see the difference? If you want to pretend that you are something you are not I don't care. But if you try to trick or force me to change who I am in order to go along with your delusions I am not going to do that. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever. And THAT is the point which was quite deliberately overlooked in the reaction to the Lil Duval statement. It's like a flat earther getting upset when someone has the audacity to point out that yes, the earth is actually round. You want to pretend otherwise fine, but I won't.

By definition heterosexual men seek intimacy with women. Not men. Even if you want to quibble and argue over the precise definition of heterosexual you would still need to admit that most men are not seeking physical intimacy with biological males. So a transperson should, if they run across a man who honestly can't tell that there is a difference, disclose that they are trans. Then their partner can make up their own mind. They can give consent and do whatever. Or they can say "HELL NO" and depart the area.


CONSENT

Consent is key. Being intimate with someone without their consent is assault. It's wrong. There was a stink a few months back about the practice of stealthing, in which men remove protection during the act of intimacy without telling their female partners or getting permission. That is tantamount to rape. That is disgusting. It is wrong. It is evil. Why? Because there is no consent. Similarly, trying to get a heterosexual man to engage in intimacy with what he thinks is a woman but is actually another male is also wrong. It is evil. There is no consent. If gays or transpeople are hardwired to be who they are, so are heterosexuals. And heterosexual black men have just as much right to their preferences and desires as anybody else. There is nothing "transphobic" or "homophobic" about preferring women, if you happen to be a man or preferring men if you happen to be a woman. It is ridiculous to try to shame or guilt trip heterosexual men into being indifferent about the possibility of having sex with another man. That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works. Just because someone is not into you in that way doesn't mean that they hate you.


Everyone should be free to pursue their own version of happiness. For most men that will not include sex with another male, even one who thinks that he is female. For those inclined that way, do you. No one is stopping you. But don't think that you can bully your way into making most men overlook that critical detail. It is true that when we first meet someone we don't owe them every little piece of private information about ourselves. 

But biology is so basic and critical to who we are that I do think that it's essential that would be partners are clear on just who they are considering getting to know. I happen to be discussing biological sex but things such as life threatening diseases, missing body parts and blood relative status also come to mind as information which most partners would be upset to have had withheld from them. If a woman meets a tall dark stranger and eventually becomes intimate with him she's probably not going to be happy to learn that the man was her father. And she may become positively homicidal if she later discovers that the man knew he was her father and proceeded anyway. Same concept with the Lil Duval statement. No one should ever apologize for being who they are. This includes heterosexuals. If someone happens to be okay with being intimate with a transperson without knowing beforehand then that is fine for them. But they don't get to make that decision for Lil Duval. Only he does. And it really is that simple folks.
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