Friday, May 10, 2013

Al Sharpton's new MSNBC show

I made a New Year's Resolution to stop watching PoliticsNation with Al Sharpton. I generally feel his heart's in the right place. I respect some of the work he's accomplished. But I think he's a horribly annoying television host. Constant outrage combined with inflexible partisanship and continuous yelling is not my cup of tea. I preferred the previous fellow at that time slot, Cenk Uygur. I'd much rather see someone like Ta-Nehisi Coates or Boyce Watkins in the role now. MSNBC has become a mirror image of FOX. So the other day when I made the mistake of breaking my resolution and turning on MSNBC between 6 and 7 PM imagine my surprise to learn that Al Sharpton, Eugene Robinson and Professor Cornel West have agreed to host a new prime time talk show for MSNBC starting for the fall season! 
The new show is titled "Loud, Confused and Confusing".*
Here's a cut from their pilot:
Sharpton"...AND AS I WAS SAYING THE EVIL REPUBLICANS CONTINUE TO OBSTRUCT OUR ANOINTED ONE! YABBA DABBA DOO WE SEE YOU!!! DO YOU THINK WE'RE STUPID? WE GOTCHA! NEVER RAN NEVER WILL BROWNSVILLE!  WHERE'S THE TELEPROMPTER? WHO MOVED MY TELEPROMPTER? DON'T BLAME THIS DRAMA ON OBAMA? BROOKLYN IS WITH YOU! WHAT? WHAT!!!GENE! WHAT DO YOU THINK!!!????

Eugene Robinson: "Uhhhh.hmmm...ehhhhh.... ahhhh... I don't know... ehhhh what happened was...ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. It could be possibly understood to be mmmmmmmmmmmaybe..."

Sharpton: "WE'LL COME BACK TO GENE LATER WHEN HE GETS THE MARBLES OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!!! DR. WEST , WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THIS EVENING? I HOPE IT'S SOMETHING INTELLIGENT!!"

West: "Well thank you Brother Sharpton. I'm happy to be here this day. You're my brother and I love you. Although you are I must say brother a two faced buck dancing bug eyed sellout apologist clown for the capitalist establishment military industrial complex that was foreseen by dear brother Eisenhower, fought against by brother Martin and brother Malcolm and our brothers and sisters in the Panthers, peace be upon them, and resisted to this day by insightful and concise brothers such as myself who understand that every brother ain't a brother, brother Sharpton, because if you were a brother, brother Sharpton, you would have ensured that so-called brother Obama didn't misplace my tickets to his inauguration, but that aside brother and don't think I forgot, the powers and principalities that we fight against today are inherent in the violent contradictions between patriarchal racist capitalism and its establishment of a white racist power structure and the more holistic peaceful multi-cultural multi-national gender equal and non-homophobic Christianity which our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ preached and for which he was lynched by the same Romans, that is to say power hungry imperialists, brother, who hold power over us today. We must refuse to assimilate the values of this technocratic patriarchal culture and build a progressive bulwark against reactionary running dogs who have lost their mind. Can I get a Amen, brother?"

Eugene Robinson: "Ehhhhhhhh..ahhhh I see the problem here ahhhhh.. If I could just inter-ahh-ject ..."

Sharpton: "SHUT UP GENE! PROFESSOR WEST? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY? ARE YOU SAYING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT OBAMA? REALLY??? TALKING ABOUT OBAMA IS LIKE TALKING ABOUT MY MAMA! "

West: "I'm not quite sure what I said but it sure did sound good didn't it? Say some words with me brother Sharpton. Antidisestablishmentarianism, post-modernist debate, third wave feminism, cabralista, don't these just send a thrill to your heart?"

Sharpton:"JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK ON LOUD, CONFUSED AND CONFUSING!!! DAMMIT WHO KEEPS MOVING MY TELEPROMPTER???!"

*This is obviously a parody and not meant to be taken seriously. I respect all three men. But they do amuse me sometimes...
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