Thursday, March 21, 2013

Guest Post: Relationship Experts Aren't BORN, They're MADE - By Women



UP on deck today, is Mr. Lincoln Anthony Blades .....

Lincoln Anthony Blades is the founder and head writer of the popular and sometimes controversial blog, ThisIsYourConscience.com. His work has been featured in news papers from St. Vincent [The Guardian] to New York [New York Daily News]. He writes about relationships, politics, current events and anything that is going on in society. After acquiring thousands of daily readers and millions of views, he decided to release a short but well-received ebook called "The Myth Of The Multiple Orgasm", a book that effectively challenges the notion that giving and receiving multiple orgasmic sex is either impossible or rare as hell. It also details the first steps towards even being able to enjoy a multi-orgasmic sex life by helping couples break down the barriers that restrict our true passion from coming out. On the heels of that ebooks success, he decided to release a full book called "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass", a humorous and insightful look into relationships, break-ups and rebounding. His books, much like his site, are not meant to demean, belittle or condescend, but to offer hilarious opinions and solid introspection. The book will be released April 1st.

Besides writing, he has amassed over 20 thousand listeners of his online radio show, "Let Me Tell You Why You're Wrong", as well as generating a cult following for his podcast "Relationships & Bullsh*t”. He also frequently participates in panel discussions all over North America and the West Indies and his appearances constantly receive critical acclaim for being sharp, witty and incredibly honest.
 

Since I started writing my blog almost three years ago, I've been called MANY things like: Idiot, genius, honest, tactless, insightful and unceremonious douchebag (all of which I love in some strange way). I created my blog because I'm an ideologue who just wanted his damn opinion heard, so I wrote on every topic under the sun from the Lakers, to Obamacare, to pondering if getting a handjob from Khloe Kardashian feels like an old-leather baseball mitt being slapped against your crotch. Topics such as the latter, surprisingly, drove women to my website and introduced me to a NEW title that I absolutely HATED: Relationship Expert.
Call me any insult on urbandictionary.com, but PLEASE do NOT refer to me as a relationship expert, not just because I feel unqualified, but because I don't believe relationship experts truly exist. Many people like to use this title as a method of standing out in their particular field and they enjoy the financial and social benefits of all the connotations that come with the term "expert". See, when you think of an expert, you imagine someone who absolutely KNOWS their field of study and can navigate it so seamlessly that assisting someone else in mastering it is almost effortless. A jump-shot expert will have you shooting in the gym like Kobe, a cooking expert will turn you into Chef Ramsey and a lace front expert will turn you into Keyshia Cole's personal stylist. So that MUST mean that a relationship expert will lead you to the person you love and help you avoid all the pain and pitfalls that come with love and dating right?
 
Wrong.
 
"Relationship experts" aren't any more qualified to give you relationship advice than your grandmother, your drunk-roomate or the fortune cookie you opened at the end of your last date. They suck and their existence is NOT dependent on their singular douchebaggery - it's society's fault - namely, WOMEN.
 
When I started to write my blog, the reason I hated being called a relationship expert is because a) I like to talk about other things and (b) I think conversations about relationships need a lot less "experts" and a lot more facilitators. The women who came on my blog often believed that I was trying to preach the gospel according to men, when I was really just trying to OPEN the lines of communication. Women are hungry to understand men and get an HONEST look into their minds (which is commendable) - but the problem is that women are looking so hard for that ONE "right" voice, that they are overlooking the voices of the men closest to them. I have an opinion (as all ideologues do at ALL times) but what makes me different is that I believe the conversation is more important than my singular-points. And that's why I can't stand so-called experts.
 
Look, if you're a matchmaker, then continue to hook people up with one another. If you're a couples therapist, continue to ask the right questions to help people explore their deep-seded emotions. If you're a life coach, continue to encourage your clients to reach for your sky. But all those titles do NOT need to come with "relationship expert" because then you start advertising a service/product that you really can't sell. You have NO clue why someone is single, or why someone is married, or why women cheat on their husbands, or what person A should do to person B in scenario C. 

And this is why I decided to release my new book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer" on April 1st. Because I want to facilitate great conversations between men and women instead of having Mr. or Mrs. Relationship Expert swoop in and try to preach to us about 90-day rules and other bullish*t theories they created on the subway coming home from their day job. 
 
Look ladies, I know you are getting tired of old comedians, and ex-R&B singers telling you what you NEED to do with your vaginas in order to avoid dying alone and you want to see them go away. At the same time, you want to get honest insight into the male mind because knowing more about the opposite sex has boundless benefits. Well my suggestion is this, look for people who are more interested in discussing things with you like the grown-ass woman you ARE, and avoid listening to dudes who talk down to you like you're a simple student - when we're ALL colleagues in the game of love.
 
This Is Your Conscience

1. Do you believe in the term relationship expert? What qualifies someone to refer to themselves as that?

2. Do you feel the field of relationship advice has more people trying to be helpful or more people trying to just use it as a hustle? 

3. What can be done to foster healthier conversations between men and women about dating and relationships?

Check Lincoln at the links below:

blog comments powered by Disqus