Thursday, October 6, 2011

So What's YOUR Reason for Not Running for President?

On Tuesday, Governor Chris Christie settled the recent hype surrounding his potential presidential run in 2012 by announcing that he was not running for President.  Christie cited to his obvious obligations as Governor of the State of New Jersey as his primary reason for deciding not to run.  And speaking of Governors who have been tempted to quit half-way through their first term, in a rather bizarre "who the hell asked you anyway?" moment, she who will not be named** also announced that, in case any of us were wondering, she's not running for President either.  Unlike Governor Christie who actually has a real job with real duties and real responsibilities, she who will not be named effectively cited to a bunch of pretext which amounts to the fact that she can continue to make more money by NOT running for President as opposed to actually running for President.

So since everybody feels compelled to give us their reasons as to why they are NOT running for President -- whether we asked for them or not -- we figured everybody else might as well jump on board the bandwagon too.  So since it appears to be en vogue this week, tell us YOUR reason for not running for President.  The Urban Politico staff will make our official and undoubtedly long-awaited presidential announcements after the jump:

** - Hat tip to OldGuru for calling it a long time ago that she who will not be named was not going to run.

The Fed:
After praying to God, Allah, Budda, Thor, Zues, St Nicklaus and Steve Jobs, I've decided that I'm going be who you thought I was.  Even though I have experience as the chapter president of my fraternity, and experience in what happens after you bounce a check, I think it is time for me to finally make my announcement.  This announcement doesn't come easy as I'm am sure many of my supporters and financial backers expect more from me.  At least until I pay them back...

However, it is not my time, and I will not be running for President of the United States.  I know many of you don't feel that this is any news since I have no national name recognition and not a chance in Hades of actually winning or even getting my name on a ballot; however, I felt that in light of the recent trend of people with an equal chance to me winning coming out and making their announcements, I must also do my patriotic duty. 

Thank you all for your time and support.  We will continue to fight the good fight.  Who knows... maybe 2016!!!  
The Storyteller:
After determining that my working poor pay wage job was better than being the leader of the free world... I have decided to not run for the office of the president of the united states. You know 30 K a year is way better than a private jet, helicopters, and the power to piss people off when I decide to get a weave.
The Janitor:
After eating a bowl of peaches & cream oatmeal this morning and hopping on the F train to go to work, it became clear to me that America needs me now more than ever to continue eating more bowls of oatmeal and to continue taking more subway rides to work in order to boost our economy...and in order to support the troops...and in order to help create jobs...and to save more kittens from trees.   And who doesn't like kittens?  How can I compete with that?  Therefore, it is my patriotic duty to announce to you fine people today that I, The Janitor, will Not be seeking the office of President in 2012.

I know this comes as a shock to all of you.  I hope that you will be able to concentrate on your daily routines over the days and weeks to come knowing that I will not be on the ballot in 2012.  But I feel that I can be more effective and aggressive in a supportive role...catching drinks with the fellas at happy hour and watching Sunday afternoon football while I track my fantasy team.   
So I want to thank you all for your warm wishes and kind thoughts.  This decision has not been an easy one and I just want you to know that I really struggled between the two options of giving up my life as I know it or staying within my comfort zone, and in the end staying within my comfort zone became the most patriotic decision available.  Obviously.  Now if you'll excuse me I have to catch up on my Boardwalk Empire. Thank you.

So we heard you're not running for President either.  Tell us why not.
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