Saturday, August 28, 2010

Motion to Dismiss Dr. Laura and Sarah Palin for Failure to State a Valid Claim

Dear Tea Party, I hereby challenge your leader, Sarah Palin, to a 30 minute debate on the Constitution.  Any time.  Any place. No teleprompters, no earpieces, no coaches or lifelines, and no notes (including notes written on the hand).   Just the two of us, an unedited live stream video feed, and the entire American public watching.  The moderator will ask, oh I dunno, the most basic friggin' "un-gotcha" type questions about the Constitution such as (i) how many articles does it have?; (ii) which Amendment gives us the Right to Bear Arms?; (iii) which Amendment gives us Equal Protection?; and (iv) does the 1st Amendment right to free speech protect us against private individuals or protect us against the Government?  (we'll come back to that last one) The loser has to pack up their shit and leave political discussion forever and agree never to use the word "Constitution" ever again for as long as they shall live.  Agreed?

By now I'm sure everybody knows about the statements made by Dr. Laura and the follow up statements from both her and her Constitutional Law advisor, Palin, about why Dr. Laura is leaving talk radio.  I know I'm a bit late and I would have gotten to this topic sooner but I had a ridiculously complicated brief to write recently so I throw myself on the mercy of the court to indulge in this topic for just a moment longer.  Per Dr. Laura:
"I want to regain my First Amendment rights...I want to be able to say what's on my mind and in my heart and what I think is helpful and useful without somebody getting angry, some special interest group deciding this is the time to silence a voice of dissent and attack affiliates, attack sponsors. I'm sort of done with that."

Regain your First Amendment rights?  You never lost them.  You had the exact same First Amendment Right to free speech as a radio talk show host as you do now as an ex-radio talk show host.  No Doc, I think what you meant to say is that you want to be able to say the word "nigger" without getting in trouble.

But that's not even the best part.  After the good doctor threw up this alley-oop of ignorance that apparently created some brand new kind of First Amendment right that guarantees the right to say "nigger" without any repercussions whatsoever from any of us private citizens, Palin wasted no time taking it to the hoop:

Dr.Laura:don't retreat...reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence"isn't American,not fair")Thu Aug 19 00:44:12 via Twitter for BlackBerry® Dr.Laura=even more powerful & effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 her voice,America!Thu Aug 19 00:44:53 via Twitter for BlackBerry®

Thank you for clarifying, Mrs. Palin, that you have NO FRIGGIN IDEA what the First Amendment is about.  The First Amendment, along with the rest of the entire Constitution, protects us from GOVERNMENT intrusions on our rights - not private citizen intrusions. (the only exception is the 13th Amendment against slavery but let's not get sidetracked)  You can bring a First Amendment lawsuit against the state of Idaho or against the federal government, but you cannot bring a First Amendment lawsuit against your neighbor, Bob, or against your cousin Becky or against that guy down the street.  They are not the government.  They are people. And you cannot use the Constitution to sue people - you can only use it to sue governments.  OK?

The reason this is the case is because individual private citizens cannot take away your Constitutional rights.   Only the government can do that.  So no matter how "activist" you think somebody is being, an individual person cannot take away your rights.  Sure, people can be assholes sometimes and make you upset, but at the end of the day, they don't have the power to take away your Constitutional rights.

The fact that the Constitution protects the people from government infringements is a BASIC concept of the Constitution.  Sort of like Constitution 101.  Anybody who spends as much time as Sarah Palin does talking about the importance of the Constitution should probably know that.  The fact that she doesn't begs the following question: Mrs. Palin, when you say "[t]hat’s what I’m out there fightin’ for Americans to be able to have a Constitution protected so that we can have free speech"... have no idea what you're fighting for, do you?

And Mrs. Palin, when you say that it is important "[t]o elect candidates who understand the Constitution"...'re clearly not talking about yourself, are you?

So let it be known that the gauntlet has been thrown down.   Until then, do yourself a favor and stop talking about things above your pay grade.
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