Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Curious Case of Becky and Suzie

I've been purposely avoiding Tiger-Gate mostly because it has become too much for my undying sense of laziness to keep up with on general principle. Everyday we discover a new breezie. Everyday, son? Damn! How much longer is this going to go on for exactly? I'm exhausted just hearing about it. One or two mistresses is quite sufficient to place any man well within the realm of scumbaggery, but 10 side pieces? OK now you're just showing off. I mean really...where does one find the time? I barely have time to go to the gym and this guy is juggling 10 ladies + a wife and 2 kids. Damnit, Jim, I'm a doctor not a golfer!!!

Meanwhile, as I've been standing on the sidelines scratching my head over the enormous undertaking of it all, the racial police have been hard at work connecting the blue-eyed dots for us, as radio shows and blogs alike have all pointed out the one thing all these women have in common besides Tiger Woods: they're all white.

Now I have to admit, when I saw the picture of the first side piece, I didn't think too much of it. When I saw the second, same thing. But after I saw the 3rd, 4th and 5th, slowly but surely my Bozo-Puter put two and two together and I said to myself "hmmm, I do believe we have a bona fide pattern here, folks."

Now, we just had a full out discussion on interracial dating a few days ago wherein the general consensus emerged that (i) the union between a black man and a black woman is a beautiful thing and (ii) in 2009 black women (and black men) can and should date whoever brings them happiness. That being said, I do find it odd when someone of a particular race consistently and exclusively finds their "happiness" in people of a different race. To me, it says something deeper, more psychological is at play. Mathematically speaking, even if you had your iPhone randomly select 10 side pieces (because surely "there's an app for that") at least ONE of those ladies would have to be a person of color. So I can see why Tiger is taking a beating within the Black Community insofar as he personifies the infamous Brother-Who-Only-Dates-White-Women syndrome. There is, after all, something unnerving about a member of the Black Community who always dates people outside of the Black Community 100% of the time.

So again, I can understand the criticism in the abstract...but there are 2 things we need to consider before we go down that road:

1. As a threshold matter, Tiger Woods is not black. Despite what we all may have witnessed during The Chappelle Show's Racial Draft, Tiger, by his own words (where he coined the phrase "caublinasian") does not consider himself Black, and in this day and age I'm all about taking a person at their word. Moreover, the man is, biologically speaking, 25% black, 75% other. I think that affords him the right to classify himself (or not classify himself) however he so chooses.

2. Once we put all of that aside and come back to the situation at hand, we find ourselves presented with the real question here: In the context of Tiger Woods cheating on his wife and 2 kids, does it REALLY make any difference whatsoever as to what race the side pieces were?
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